So I have this bobblehead:

It sits on my desk and turns its giant head many, many times each hour.  Is it smirking?  Is it laughing?  What is going on in its weird world?  For all I know, it's been around me enough each day to have learned through osmosis a little bit about what's happening in college football ... maybe.

So, I wonder, what does it think about opening weekend?  I thought I'd spend a few moments to sit down with Dwight Scrute Bobblehead and catch up on his life and thoughts on college football.

He agreed to talk after work and before his paintball league game.  Discussion below.
*** 
CFR: Hello, Dwight.

Dwight: Don't bother with your trivial niceties.  You said earlier you'd give me Athena's phone number after work.  Why haven't you?  Are you deceiving me again?

CFR: Oh ... yeah.  About that.  Well you know she's a Cylon so I didn't trust that she gave me the correct information.  And if I had it, the CIA would follow me, so you know ...

Dwight: Dammit!

CFR: So sorry.

Dwight: Oh, if you're ever hunted by the CIA, my beet farm has a secret bunker you could hide in.  Not that I'd help you.  But I'd hide in it if I were being chased.

CFR: That's great Dwight.

Dwight: Plus it has a two year's supply of Count Chocula.

CFR: And what would you do for milk?

Dwight: We have goats.

CFR: Ok next subject.  I thought I'd talk to you about college foot...

Dwight: Football?  Football's a sissy sport.  Try taking a paintball to the face from eight meters.

CFR: Wow.  Who shot you in the face?

Dwight: (pause) My mom.

CFR: (!) Your ...

Dwight: I mean my cousin.

CFR: Too late.

Dwight: Talk over!

CFR: Wait wait wait!  Let's talk bear attacks, I really want to know about bear attacks.

Dwight: (Pause) ... Ok.

CFR: Who would win in a fight between a golden bear and a volunteer.

Dwight: Like a soup kitchen volunteer? Psssht, golden bear, easy.  It would rip your innards out.  And then I'd come by and shoot it.  Now if it was a black bear or a kodiak bear ...

CFR: Somehow I doubt that.

Dwight: (frustrated pause) I once shot a rabid opossum.  It bit my cousin, though.

CFR: That's great Dwight.  So ... what if the volunteer was a volunteer soldier and had a musket and a coonskin cap?

Dwight: Depends.  Does the musket have ... (evil look) a bayonet?

CFR: Um, sure.

Dwight: I'd take the bear.

CFR: What?! There's no ...

Dwight: Muskets are notoriously inaccurate and you only get a single shot before reload.  If I were a bear, I'd hide behind a tree, and then attack.

CFR: No you wouldn't.

Dwight: I'd blend right in, I'd rub my fur in various muds and plants to give myself natural camouflage.

CFR: And then some nice-looking lady bear would come along and laugh at you and you'd be without a mate.

Dwight: That's not true!  My camouflage would tell her I'm a warrior, a survivor and could fend off other bear attacks and wolves.

CFR: Yet you couldn't fend off a paintball to the face from your mom from eight meters away.

Dwight: Talk over! (storms off) I'm going paintballing!

CFR: Bye, Dwight.  Let's not get shot in the face this time.

Dwight: (yelling from distance) I told you that was my cousin!

CFR: Sure, Dwight.  Sure.
***
Okay so he wasn't the most cooperative.  Typical Dwight.  But we did learn he got shot in the face with a paintball.  From his mother.  And lived to tell about it.  And then lie about it.

And I think in a roundabout way he picked California to beat Tennessee later this month.  So that was productive.

Hopefully we can bring Dwight Bobblehead back more often on here, depending on his mood.  If you have questions for Dwight Schrute Bobblehead send an email and I'll see if he'll "cooperate" with CFR and answer those.